Fellow Kenyans…

Sometimes I’m right and I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my song
The butcher, the banker, the drummer and then
Makes no difference what group I’m in
I am everyday people
Oh sha sha…
I am everyday people
Oh sha sha…

Our president got jokes. No really, jokes.

As always, he began by condoling with us, all sad and sombre like.  Thing is, if he expresses shock and outrage one more time, so help me I will find the words for him, bloody woiyee president.  Nkt!  These meaningless platitudes are the same ones he gives us every time something bad happens.

The rest of the speech however…

Reckless leaders propagate the unlawful message that some are more or less Kenyan than others. Dangerous leaders preach the insidious message that some people are holy whilst others are evil. The sum total of these campaigns is to portray certain people as less human, and therefore less deserving of compassion and consideration, and perhaps, fair game for brutality and abuse. Such leaders divide instead of unite, scatter where they should gather, and destroy where they should build. They also make it easy for terrorists to operate comfortably among us, and to inflict murder and mayhem on innocent Kenyans.

The attack in Lamu was well planned, orchestrated, and politically motivated ethnic violence against a Kenyan community, with the intention of profiling and evicting them for political reasons. This therefore, was not an Al Shabaab terrorist attack [emphasis mine]. Evidence indicates that local political networks were involved in the planning and execution of the heinous attacks. This also played into the opportunist networks of other criminal gangs.

So, no terrorists.

It was politics.


Wait, what?

But didn’t the terrorists say they did it?  Why, in the name of all that’s good and right, would you not blame the evil idiots who want to be blamed?  I know you have an obsession with Raila, and you do like to spin, but come on…

Our president continued…

Kenyans and the Government in particular, have, over the last several weeks, observed frenzied political rhetoric laced with ethnic profiling of some Kenyan communities and obvious acts of incitement to lawlessness and possible violence. The inciters have also given examples of other countries where thousands of citizens have died and been maimed in similar circumstances. This rhetoric is unacceptable and will not be condoned. My Deputy and I undertook to make sure that the country will never go the route of ethnic division and political violence. I reiterate that Kenya will not go that route again! We will not allow Kenya to go down this violent path again.

Ummm, sir, your government has recently engaged in a wee bit of ethnic profiling, rounding up a couple of Somalis in Eastleigh.  Just thought to point that out, now that you asked me to be vigilant and shit. You’ve also thrown in some pretty frenzied rhetoric right here, talking about obvious acts and such like inflammatory nonsense.  Besides, you and your deputy are currently charged with crimes against humanity over at the Hague.  You remember the Hague, yes?  Ti kwa nyina…

This is the problem with the spin idiots at State House, they are not clever, and they have no memory, and they think we are equally not clever, with no memory.  Giving us silly speeches that make no damn sense.  What the fuck kind of crack are these idiots smoking?  Hang on, that’s completely wrong.  They are smoking the herb, yes?  Yes.  You idiots, you cant keep reworking the same condolences, pledges to beef up security (which just for the record should be a pretty fat cow right now, ripe for slaughter and ef’thing. Oh my…), and then throwing in the Raila bogeyman, just because.

I’m curious, who do you think comes up with these theories?  If it was just prezzo talking smack, such as he does, I wouldn’t pay him any mind, but this is across his government.  Listen to our, well, his, secretary for internal things…

This incitement story is the government line. Witnesses are saying, “There were around 50 attackers, heavily armed in three vehicles, and they were flying the Shabaab flag. They were shouting in Somali and shouting Allahu Akbar…” but the government is insisting this was political, which is their fancy way of saying this was Raila.  Tell me, how would Raila, he that can’t even rig an election when he’s PM, get 50 or so armed youth from Somalia to go conduct a massacre in Lamu County?  No, seriously, this bugger can’t even organise a party worth a damn and you think he’s a criminal mastermind, plotting attacks in the back of beyond?  Really?  And how is it, pray tell, the government with all its beefy security can’t seem to stop him?  Ah yes, he has American money, and we all know American money is evil.  Quick question, where did you go to sell that bond thingi?

Am I the only one who’s afraid?  These buggers are starting to exhibit delusional tendencies, seeing Agwambo where there is none.

I am everyday people…
There is a long hair
That doesn’t like the short hair
For being such a rich one
That will not help the poor one
Different strokes
For different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby
Oh sha sha
Now we got to live together
Oh sha sha

Now, I’m not saying there is no ethnic dimension to these attacks, as we have since found out Mpeketoni is not the peaceful little hamlet as they would have us believe it was.  From a man who has more knowledge in these things than I do, in an interview conducted in February, this year…

The Ndovu (Elephant) in the Room (warning, GRAPHIC IMAGES)

“What you have in Lamu is a question of internal colonialism. Lamu people, even though they are Kenyans have long been treated as second class citizens in their own country. All the powerful government people- the PCs, the DCs, the DOs all the powerful public officers, especially those handling land matters have never been local, they all come from Nairobi. Land in Lamu was declared government land, unlike other areas of Kenya. Most Lamu peasant and small farmers do not have title deeds. And then the ultimate monstrosity: in the 1970s, Mzee Jomo Kenyatta opted to tackle the burning land question in Central Province by importing thousands of Agikuyu into Lamu, creating the Lake Kenyatta Settlement scheme in what is today Lamu West This was done in total disregard to the interests of the Bajuni, Swahili, Orma, Awer and other indigenous Lamu people, many of whom had been evicted from their ancestral land earlier. Jomo Kenyatta and his acolytes like the former Coast PC were in power when local, politically connected elites from Nairobi grabbed a lot of land in Lamu County. All these issues planted the seeds of simmering conflict that will explode in the region if local grievances are not dealt with.”

What Professor Bujra is saying is Lamu is complicated, as is the rest of the coast.  Bwana Oloo continues…

When I pressed on, playing devil’s advocate to tease out the details I uncovered that the elephant in Lamu was the huge influx of Gikuyu migrants and settlers making Mpeketoni what some locals considered a second GEMA homeland. As raw and as uncomfortable and as politically incorrect the conversation unfolded it is clear that there is a lot of seething rage in Lamu today over the unresolved land issues in contemporary Lamu and the continued influx of Kenyans who are considered “outsiders” from up country into the archipelago.

“We Lamu and Coastal people have for centuries welcomed and embraced visitors into our midst. Many people have come to Lamu, Mokowe, Hongwe, Mpeketoni, Manda-you name it. Some have become Muslim; intermarried, made Lamu their home, speak in the Amu dialect- you cannot tell they came from Kirinyaga, Machakos, Meru, Kisumu, Bungoma. They have become part of us; they are our neighbours our friends. But how do you go to someone’s home; grab their land; kick them out; bring your own family members, recreate and rename the neighbourhoods after your own villages up country. On top of that you come into the local elections and attempt to usurp power! A significant percentage of the ward representatives of the Lamu County Assembly are from one ethnic group! The Member of the National Assembly is called Ndegwa for crying out loud! Be more respectful of us! At least give us the courtesy to run the affairs of our own county! Already only two tribes are dominating the national government! Can’t the Lamu people govern Lamu? We fear that this LAPSSET project which requires a population of one million will make us, the indigenous people of Lamu, lose our cultural, religious and ethnic identity forever. We are only 100,000 right now in the whole of Lamu!”

Question is, was Mpeketoni a target because of these ‘outsiders’?   And if so, were the attackers locals?   And are these locals members of Al Shabaab?  See, its easy to blame Somalia for all our woes, but what if the enemy is within, one of us?  Does a Kenyan still qualify as Al Shabaab or it that a strictly Somali thing?  As silly as that question sounds, that is what the spin doctors would have us believe, hence Operation Usalama Watch (the clumsiest name ever given to an operation, hands down. And the site is down, if it was ever up that is…).

Everyday, everyday, everyday people…

Government would have us believe this attack was nothing but politics.  Government would have us believe that a bunch of disgruntled Kenyans inflicted carnage on their fellow Kenyans with the aim of ‘destabilising’ the country.  My president is telling me that a bunch of politicians who are running around aimlessly, and carelessly, screaming dialogue and inclusion, whatever the fuck that means, are actively planning acts of violence, and he cannot, or will not, stop them.  That’s your president too, by the way.

For the record, witnesses make no such claims.

Residents of Mpeketoni, the town in Lamu that was raided by gunmen on Sunday night, described the attackers as an organised group that took its time and was methodical.

The armed men had the time to take bags of rice, sugar, packets of spaghetti, maize flour, cooking oil, bottles of juice, soda and water from their victims’ shops. They then set the shops on fire and destroyed most vehicles in the town – pick-ups, tractors and lorries. They selected their victims, separating men from women and children. At one point, the Nation was told, an adolescent boy who had joined the men was ordered back to where his mother and sisters were standing.

Most of those who saw the attackers said they were dressed in military fatigue, with black scarves around their heads covering their faces such that only the eyes could be seen. They are also reported to have had a coordinator with a communication radio, while one man recorded videos as they attacked.

Mpeketoni attack: They killed men and took our food

This is the attack the government claims is politically motivated. By Raila.

Am I the only one who is afraid?

I am everyday people…

The song is ‘Everyday People’, originally done by Sly & The Family Stone, a beautiful piece of psychedelic funk.  That’s not what you’re listening to, if you hit play.  I felt compelled to put up a most brilliant cover, off the soundtrack to Sons of Anarchy, The Forest Rangers featuring Audra Mae, Billy Valentine, Curtis Stigers, Franky Perez and Katey Sagal. I don’t get to say this very often, but in slowing the song down, this bunch of country musicians made this song better (how now, right?), more soulful, and because I know you don’t believe me, I’ve put up both.  Done in the late 60’s, it was all about race and what not, but as with all timeless classics, it works just as well almost fifty years later, in our country of peculiar ‘ethnic’ issues and petty politics.  I’m hoping that one day soon we will realise…

I am no better and neither are you
We are the same, whatever we do
You love me, you hate me, you know me and then
You can’t figure out the bag I’m in
I am everyday people
I am everyday people
Oh sha sha…

63 victims, that we know of, thus far.  63 plus men who were guaranteed, nay, owed the same protection as that given to the government fat cats and slimy opposition politicians, sitting in their cushy offices in the capital spewing all manner of bile.  These 63 men, everyday people, died in the most gruesome of ways, and all the government does is talk shit.  And beef, sometimes up, security.

Our president…

Fellow Kenyans, I am satisfied that, for the most part, our security agencies have performed well and thwarted innumerable terrorist and other criminal conspiracies and attempts. Security is a vital national requirement; everyone living in Kenya has a right to expect the security of their persons and property as well as those of their loved ones.

Fellow Kenyans, we have been victims of terrorism in the past and the threat of terror continues to hang over us.

Fellow Kenyans, as we mourn the dead, condole with the bereaved and comfort the injured, I ask every one of us to reflect deeply on what each must do to keep our country safe, and to be our brother’s and sister’s keeper. I also urge every Kenyan to revisit our core values and remember who we are. Fear and helplessness are not, and will never be our way of life. Together, we shall grow and keep rising. Let us not give space for those who want us to be afraid, or divided.

I also take this opportunity to assure every Kenyan that no matter the challenges assailing us, my Government stands with the people and works for all Kenyans wherever they are.

Mr President, kindly kiss my fat black ass.

Fellow Kenyans, my lovelies, we are everyday people. Be safe.