Idiot Press: Oh Daily Nation, why?

It has finally dawned upon me that Nation Media Group has officially lost the plot.

Yes, officially.

How else can you explain their current fascination with a girl whose sole claim to fame is a big ass, and now her yellow yellow skin procured in London, allegedly?  Or their obsession with elections that are three and some years away?  Or their continuing refusal to read the David Ndii articles they themselves publish, going by the many articles they then print thereafter reasserting the lies he so ably discounts? Or the never ending Raila mania?  Or the articles quoting random langas on twitter?

People, my newspaper is fucking with me, and with you too.

I’m tired of bitching about the nonsense in the press.  Today, I am going to show you.  If, after everything, you still believe these buggers are doing a sterling job, I shall never say another word about it.  That’s a lie, I’ll still bitch, but I’ll restrain myself to snarky remarks and the like, as opposed to rants. Deal?

EXHIBIT A

Daily Nation 02/06/14

Now the first thing that caught my eye was the reporter’s picture, next to her byline. Sema modelling! Whilst I have no objection to a good looking picture, I’m not entirely sure that come hither look is suitable for a serious think piece on women and shit. As fate would have it, the picture is quite apt…

She is young, successful and focused. Highly opinionated, empowered and a super achiever. The independent woman of today has little in common with the traditionally submissive and often suppressed wife.

The rise of the independent woman has shifted the dynamics of marriage, particularly because these women are not in a hurry to get married. Some abandon the idea of marriage altogether. They have more important things to spend their energies on — careers, businesses and personal development.

In some cases, these assumingly self-sufficient women are labelled ‘high maintenance’ because they can make choices about where to wine, dine, live, vacation and even what to drive.

Being in total control of her life, the independent woman knows exactly what to expect in a marriage, has a voice and expects mutual respect from her husband. Men on the other hand, are having a difficult time adapting to these alpha females.

That’s the bulk of her write up, in case you were wondering, I only left out one line.  So ‘independent’ (read, young, successful and focused) women are in no hurry to get married, because they have more important things to spend their time on, and they make decisions on their own food and drink, and drives. She then brands them alpha females for good measure, and tells us men can’t handle them. Right. Read the three case studies, job titles and ages helpfully provided (just so we know these women aren’t, you know, broke young girls and such like), laid out to prove these assertions (these are snippets, not all they said):

Woman No.1

I believe that not everyone is marriageable and with time one should accept the reality of whom they are. One should not be forced to get into marriage just to prove a point or succumb to society’s pressure. One should live their life to the fullest and take a day at a time instead of worrying that all her friends are married and she is not. Some of us are late bloomers.

Woman No.2

I turned 32 recently but marriage is not something I think about often. I’d like to have a child but it’s not urgent. Having spent so much time in school, I’m only meaningfully taking off careerwise and I would like to consolidate that more than my thinking of marriage; at least for now.

Woman No.3

The reasons why people got married, such as for love, protection and security, are not viable any more. This is why I will never get married.

With the exception of the last lady who was quite vehement in her desire not to get married, and therefore shouldn’t have been included (seeing as how this article was about not being in a hurry, as opposed to not wanting to), the other two ladies were simply being pragmatic individuals, no? Are they independent? Why yes, they are. That’s what happens when you no longer live in you mother’s house. It’s called growing up. Are men who support themselves tagged ‘independent men’, with all the negative connotations implied? No? No. And is there anything these two women say that gives any indication that they are hard to handle?

Listen, I’m all for provoking discussion, and there was heated discussion, but the idea of slapping a random tag on women is infuriating, and it seems to be happening all too often in the Nation these days. Take a look at the comments and you see a common thread, women who ‘claim’ not to want to marry (the gist of the article fell by the wayside, as tends to happen in almost every comment section) are either unhappy and/or unfulfilled, misguided home-wreckers, products of abusive and/or broken homes, ungodly (a personal favourite) and inevitably Kikuyu (thanks to the pathetic sample taken). In fairness to the comments, I must point out that some pointed out the bollocks masquerading as an article, and others still the folly in getting worked up over other people’s, strangers no less, decisions. I’m not surprised by this outcome, though, internet comment sections are home to the more extreme characters in our society and should never be taken too seriously. I am, however, bothered that the writer (nor her editor) foresaw this reaction and thought to mitigate it with a slightly more nuanced, or better researched, article.

Then again, I’m talking about the woman, nay, girl who pens the City Girl page in the Saturday paper, the latest addition to things I want to burn at 10:00 am, a page that as far as I can tell is dedicated to the pursuit of material things, because that’s all city girls want, right? You gotta love the Nation, a girl gets an entire page, but only to spew inane bullshit. I don’t think the Nation thinks very highly of its female readership, either that or this girl really is quite the idiot for wasting valuable space in such a manner.

Alternatively, perhaps me and mine are not the target market for their papers, going by the crap they’ve been throwing at my gender lately.

EXHIBIT B

Sunday Nation 08/06/2014

Dialogue will help solve problems, says Raila

That headline makes is sound like the article is about CORD’s calls for dialogue, pressing national concern and all, yes? You would be wrong, so wrong…

Q3. Did you manage to have a one-on-one meeting with US President Barack Obama?

Q. 4 Your critics have claimed that you were in training on how to destabilise President Kenyatta’s administration. What do you say to that claim?

Q. 5 Some people say you obtained Sh2 billion which you want to use for clandestine activities?

Q.6 Will you be returning to the US?

Q.7 In an interview with NTV’s BMJ Mureithi in the US, you said that some Anglo Leasing deals were genuine. Your opinion on this matter has changed since you landed in Nairobi. Why?

Then finally…

Q8. You have been talking about holding a national dialogue. What do you intend to achieve?

This is the answer Raila gave:

At the national dialogue table we want to address issues affecting our country, including corruption, so that we can offer our help on how some of these problems can be resolved.

Genuine investors could not stop investing in the Eurobond just because we have been asked to pay a creditor and refused. This excuse was lame and suspicious.

Can we pause here, read that reply again, and collectively ask, eh? Where the hell does the Eurobond come in here? Either Raila was saying his own things, or this bugger was writing his own other things. My money is on the latter. With the minor matter of dialogue sorted, he returned to more pressing matters…

Q9. If you were the president, wouldn’t you have given an executive order for the payments of Anglo Leasing as President Kenyatta did under the same circumstances?

Q.10 You have demanded that the Sh1.4 billion already paid to Anglo Leasing be refunded. Who should be making the refund? The government or the suppliers?

Then it gets even better…

Q11 What have you put in place to ensure a clear victory strategy in future polls? 

through to

Q17 There is a perception that Raila Odinga can’t win an election because you lost twice when you were so close to winning.

Remember, the article was billed as ‘Dialogue will help solve problems’. As far as I can tell, this reporter is not too familiar with the concept of dialogue, if the end of the interview is anything to go by. Questions 18 through 21, with Raila’s answers included, just because they’re so bloody hilarious.

Do you have any evidence to suggest that the claims made by Dr Oburu Oginga about threats to your life are credible?

No, no, no, leave that alone. Stay away from it.

Are you not concerned that your current association with Maina Njenga could alienate you from Kenyans?

What we are saying is that there is no need for extrajudicial killings. Even if he was a Mungiki, why can’t the law be followed? Should the government resort to killing people as a solution?

What about the Men in Black, the people who disrupted ODM polls?

That is rubbish, ask me something else.

Are there chances ODM will hold national elections?

We are working on it. We are soon going to receive the task force report. But ask the others, when is TNA holding its elections? When will URP do theirs? These parties only have interim officials. At least we made an attempt.

I submit to you, ladies and gentlemen, that either this writer is on crack, and possibly pursuing another angle, or his editor is on crack, and not doing his job. Either way, we require a slightly higher calibre of interview, at least in the Sunday paper, yes?

EXHIBIT C

Fun fact. Remember the post I did in 2012, about Pattni’s Lifetime Africa Achievement Prize? For those of you who weren’t here back then, a quick summary. A journo wrote about a fake award, and to date I have seen neither retraction nor correction in the Nation. The author of that fine piece of brilliance is this same bugger. Happy coincidence, no? No. This is the same journo who also penned this excellent piece, China to put up Sh65bn ‘Dubai’ in Machakos, in April this year. You need to read this.

Those behind the project known as Kenya-China Economic Zone are said to have acquired land from a flower company. However, we could not immediately establish how long the “new city” will take to complete. It is also unclear how it will coexist with the proposed Konza Techno City and Machakos City launched by Governor Alfred Mutua, proposed in the same area.

The Director of External Communications at State House, Mr Munyori Buku, said he was aware of the proposed project which would push the government’s plan to turn around the country’s economic prospects and help achieve Vision 2030.

“Such projects are a clear manifestation of the Jubilee administration’s plan to take the Vision 2030 to the next level,” Mr Buku said.

Officials at the Chinese embassy in Nairobi could not give details of the impending State visit or the proposed project.

I scoured google in search of confirmation, but all I could find were articles referencing this one report. Nothing from the Chinese, just for the record. Nothing has been heard of this project since. I shall leave you to make whatever inferences you want from this story, and the rest of his portfolio.

Nation newspapers, where did the rain start beating you?

Politics, features, economy…all going steadily to the dogs. Hell, the only thing that saves the sports pages is the liberal copy pasting going on. How strange is it that almost all the articles worth reading these days are done by people who do NOT work for the Nation? It doesn’t help that many articles these days are bylined NATION REPORTER or NATION CORRESPONDENT or NATION TEAM. Just between you and me, I suspect they have only three guys reporting for them, and by reporting I mean scouring the interwebs, and State House, for a story. That’s today’s conspiracy theory.

Seriously though, these buggers can’t seem to get it right, can they?