Dear Mr President

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let’s pretend we’re just two people and
You’re not better than me
I’d like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly…

The end is nigh, no? Yes, as it turns out, the end may in fact be nigh, unless someone gets off his ass and does something. Yes, Mr President, I’m looking at you.

Reports are coming out of an explosion, this evening, in Eastleigh. This after an alleged bomb maker blew himself up yesterday, also in Eastleigh, and after a grenade was found in a church in Lamu, earlier in the day. That after the church shooting last weekend in Likoni, and after a car rigged with explosives was discovered at a cop station in Mombasa, the week before. All this in March, this year. In February, the police stormed a mosque, claiming militants were training within, killed at least 4 people and arrested as many as 70 others. These alleged militants had raised an al Shabaab flag at said mosque, in the daytime. Then the police told us they’d killed an al Shabaab suspect, a few days earlier, he who had killed a counter terrorism cop. In January, there was a grenade attack at a beach bar in Mombasa, and a possible grenade attack at JKIA.

These are the incidents I recall off the top of my head, I suspect I’ve left out others. I know I have, because there’s the Westgate trial currently going on, even as the FBI apparently has the bodies of the four attackers (yes, they were only four, and Karangi says they killed them on Monday, two days before they left the mall). There’s always something going on in Garissa, unfortunately, and the cops have taken to rounding up young men in this city at will, just because. And then there’s KDF, still in Somalia with ANISOM.

In the same three months, our government has managed to:

1. defend a dodgy railway tender
2. frolic with the World Bank, but ban a demonstration supported by USAID
3. deny a looming/present famine, while flagging off relief food
4. ban a movie
5. defend a dodgy laptop tender
6. launch a massive irrigation scheme in Tana River County, not where there were clashes
7. order a coupla typewriters
8. evict a community from their forest

there’s something else…ah yes…

9. retreat in Nanyuki, at a hotel, just because, and then begin, and perpetuate, a nonsense wage bill debate

Again, these are off the top of my head, I’ve probably neglected to mention the sterling work Mututho is doing.

Meanwhile, security has gone to shit, people are being murdered, robbed, raped, lynched, you name it, we got it. But hey, our prezzo says they have a plan, they always have a plan.

READ: President Uhuru Kenyatta State of the Nation Address (full speech)

As we learned last year, insecurity anywhere in our region is a promise of insecurity everywhere. If we do not help our neighbours to achieve the peace, freedom and prosperity they deserve, then our own freedom and prosperity is threatened. Last year’s evil terrorist attack, among the worst in Kenyan history, forcefully reminded us of these facts. I stood before the nation, and vowed that we would not be cowed or divided. Our response was firm, without threatening the bonds of brotherhood that hold between our different faiths. Under extreme provocation, the unity of the nation was preserved.

Looking inwards, our internal conflicts remain. Although reported incidents of violent crime fell by 8% in 2013, this is nowhere near enough, as the horrifying incident involving baby Satrin Osinya, will remind you all.

My government has laid a firm base for the protection of our people and their property. Already, two major new security programs have been launched. One, our new Nyumba Kumi initiative, is a core national value: asking communities to join their governments in providing security is as clear an example of public participation as anyone could wish for. Our second program took a broader, technology-driven approach. Among its first steps is the introduction of CCTV in the streets of our major cities and towns, and broadband connectivity at border points. My government has also invested heavily in surveillance equipment, and at least 1200 vehicles for our police. We will also substantially increase police numbers, which have already significantly progressed from one police officer for 750 citizens to1:535, without forgetting their welfare. Ground has been broken on a new police housing scheme at Ruai in Nairobi; this will soon be replicated across all 47 counties. An insurance scheme for our men and women in uniform will be established by July this year. These, and more, will be underpinned by the most extensive new investment in security since independence. My government will allocate resources adequate to the needs of our security agencies, the better to modernise them, and enable them meet current and emerging threats to our safety.

Nyumba Kumi, and ‘a broader, technology-driven approach’, whatever the fuck that means.

Good plan.


Be safe, good people, looks like we’re on our own for a while.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why…

The song is ‘Dear Mr president’ by Pink, because there’s something about the prezzo that reminds me of Dubya, but I can’t quite place my finger on it. Yes, I am being very sarcastic. I shall now go and get drunk, and calm down, while I finish the post I started before the interwebs distracted me. Useless fact, it is the work of the devil, twitter is. Good for stalking though…


In the wake of security alerts and such like, searches at the entrances of pretty much everything, everywhere, have increased, and with that comes the hassle of dealing with security types. Ah, the lovely watchmen, long may they vex us. That said, the next person who talks shit about ‘useless security guards’ at the malls and supermarkets and offices gets slapped. Thanks to our wonderfully short memories, we’ve already forgotten the images of security personnel being gunned down at the entrance of the fucking mall. How now? Whining ‘middle class’ Kenyans, we have no shame. NKT!