This one is a bit suspect…

I suspect I’m supposed to be foaming at the mouth right now, thanks to the foolishness of our MP’s.  I suspect I should be calling them harsh names, dumping carcasses at their doorstep and what not.  Problem is, I really couldn’t care less what nonsense they get up to any more.  No really, don’t give two shits either way.  Honestly, who amongst us expected any different from this lot?  Hands up if you thought the idiot you voted for was going to look out for you and yours, and not them and theirs…  Did you really just put up your hand?  You poor thing…  Come let mama give you a hug, you delusional child.  You know what I’m upset about?  I’m upset with those NGO types molesting my future bacon.  You geniuses, stop messing with the damn food chain.  No no, fucking around with what could be my breakfast in the not too distant future is just plain unacceptable, I don’t care what issues you have.  What’s that?  You’re doing it on my behalf?  That’s just excellent, but leave the piggies out of it.  What did my future premium pork sausage ever do to you, dammit?

I suspect I’m supposed to be foaming at the mouth at the DP’s executive jet, and his seemingly unnecessary jaunt across the continent with 13 of his closest friends and secretaries.  What?  Come now my lovelies, if you had a jet at your disposal, tell me you won’t be trying to funga the nearest available target of your obsession.  I would, there is a lovely man I can’t wait to get into the, umm, air, so to speak, and the minute I get my grimy little paws on a jet, you best believe I will.  But I digress.  I suspect I’m supposed to be upset because the man who sought to clarify the matter was the outgoing PS for information, he that has no business discussing jets not connected to inky printers and such like technical matters.  I suspect I’m supposed to lambaste this administration for their profligate ways, what with all the country hopping the prezzo(s) and co. are up to.  But for what?  Let the buggers fly wherever they want, however they want, with whomever they want.  It’s not like we sign the checks or anything.  Hell, if it wasn’t for those pesky journalists insisting on finding news where there was none, this wouldn’t even be an issue.  Come on people, we is Africans, make that so-ve-reign Africans, and we got oil.  This is how the big boys roll, just ask that Nguema chap and his son.  Bring on the Beyonce jet(s) (that’s right, they saw fit to tell us she bought Jay Z one just last year, because that’s the kind of insight we look for in the Sunday paper).

I suspect I’m supposed to be upset by the sham that was the parliamentary vetting of the cabinet appointees.  I suspect I’m supposed to be livid that a man who I suspect can barely count to ten is in charge of the most lucrative sham of a ministry to be created since the ministry of energy.  I suspect I’m supposed to want to break down and cry because a woman with what seemed to be limited knowledge of our general vicinity is now the minister for… I honestly have no idea what the ministry is called, something to do with co-operation.  I suspect that I should be saddened that the shiny new constitution, with its 67 commissions for anything under the sun and provisions for everything else, is proving to be a bit of a waste of time, if our new minister of lands is anything to go by.  I should be upset, but I’m not, because I finally realise that he that pays the piper picks the damn tune, and I’m not paying anybody.  Don’t give me that argument about how it’s our money, it’s not our money.  When they take it from us, it ceases to be our money and becomes their money.  Its called government.  Get used to it.

I suspect I’m supposed to stand up and applaud when the Americans tell us the Nigerian government is committing war crimes against a civilian population, up in the North, where buggers have taken to killing each other with disturbing frequency.  Very tragic, no?  Problem is, this would be the same American government droning the fuck out of Afghanistan, and Pakistan, and probably another of the ‘-stan’ countries in the neighbourhood.  Hmmm…  This is a detour from our local dramas, by the way, because these days we are Pan African and everything, and we don’t take shit from ‘the west’, no mo’.  Talking about human rights when they’re killing hapless idiots at weddings, women and children no less, by remote.  Even better, now they want to do it on our bloody continent, if they haven’t started already.  FYI, those little things in the sky that look like UFO’s?  The aliens haven’t finally found us, my friends, that’s Obama clearing his backyard.  Now you know.  What?  Laugh now, but when you get blown up in traffic, because they tracked your movie pirating ass down, don’t say I didn’t warn you.  That’s this month’s ‘The Americans are out to get us!’ rant.  Speaking of which…

I suspect I’m supposed to lavish great praise on our man at the UN, he that feels the need to send very long letters, telling anyone who is willing to read his crap syntax that our democratically elected prezzos are, in fact, innocent of all charges, because we all voted for them, overwhelmingly.  I suspect I am expected to get up and and wrap myself in the national flag, with national pride, in defence of our national…umm, nation.  I suspect I am expected to jump off the ‘justice for all’ bandwagon, and move on to the ‘justice for only the unelected’ bandwagon.  No wait, I’ve always been on that wagon, only we call it the ‘little people be screwed over all the time’ bandwagon.

I suspect I will be back on Wednesday with a real post for you, because this one is a little suspect…